Submission is Not a Punishment
Submission is not a punishment, it is a sacred trust. God did not create woman as an afterthought or an accessory—He created her as a helpmate, equal in worth, different in role. And that difference is by design. If we resent the role God has given us, we are not only resisting our husbands—we are rejecting God Himself. To understand this sacred trust, let’s look at the biblical foundation for a wife’s role.
What Scripture Says About a Wife’s Role
Ephesians 5:22-23 says: ‘Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.’
Colossians 3:18: “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
1 Peter 3:1–2: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
Proverbs 31:10–12: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
These verses have been twisted by culture, mocked by skeptics, and misused by sinful men. But at its heart, they are not verses of domination—they are verses of divine order. It is heaven’s design reflected on earth.
The Umbrella Metaphor: How Submission Works in Daily Life
Maggy Kelias describes it beautifully in her message about a woman’s submission:
summarized [A man is like an umbrella in the rain. Maybe he is plain, maybe he is heavy, maybe he’s not what you thought you wanted—but God made him to bear the storm. You and I, as wives, were not built to absorb the downpour. We were built to hold up the one who can. And when we do, we find covering, safety, and blessing.]
Men are designed by God to cover and protect us- they are the umbrella. A wife holds the umbrella, steadying it so it can do what it was made to do. This is not passive; it is active, intentional, and vital.
Daily life application:
For the husband (the umbrella):
- Carrying the weight of spiritual leadership.
- Making decisions with wisdom.
- Loving sacrificially.
- Being accountable before God for the household.
For the wife (holding the umbrella):
- Encouraging, supporting, and standing beside him.
- Covering him in prayer.
- Offering gentle counsel and guidance.
- Trusting him to step into the role God has given him.
- Creating space for him to lead without unnecessary interference.
- Making decisions with wisdom
- Loving honorably
My husband and I have our own version that we feel
Holding the umbrella is not about holding back your own life or voice—it’s about creating the support that allows God’s design to work in both of you. It is a sacred, active partnership in God’s plan.
But hear me please: an umbrella lying on the ground or hanging in the corner, unused, cannot shield anyone. Likewise, a wife who refuses to take her God-given place of submission leaves her home uncovered in every storm. Submission is not about silencing your voice—it’s about strengthening his assignment. God made you to hold him up so he can do what only he was made to do.
(Side note: God also designed men to hold their wives up so she can do what only she was made to do—but that’s a message for another time. Let’s not miss the true, full message by creating a crafty twist in God’s teaching. Today we are focusing on God’s design and purpose for a wife’s submission to her husband.)
The Weight of Leadership: Why Husbands Need Support
Sometimes a man isn’t walking in what he was made to do simply because he is disobedient to the Lord. Let’s be honest about that. But far too often, it is because God designed man to be held up by a God-honoring woman in order to fully live his role. From the moment God saw man and said, “This is not good,” he was never meant to walk alone.
A husband’s mission is heavy. To love sacrificially, lay down his life, and lead with humility and faith—that responsibility is impossible to bear without the support God intended from the very beginning.
Yes, men can succeed in some things on their own. They can run businesses, work, clean, cook, and handle daily tasks. But the burden we are speaking of is not chores—it is leadership: the weight of being accountable before God for his family, his marriage, his household, and his place in the community. That weight demands a wife who will steady his hands, lift his arms, and strengthen his heart.
Deborah and Barak
This principle is not abstract—it is lived out in Scripture.
Consider Deborah and Barak in Judges 4. Deborah was a prophetess, a judge, a woman of great wisdom and authority in Israel. Yet when the moment of battle came, she did not take Barak’s place as commander. She strengthened him to fulfill his God-given role.
When Barak hesitated, saying, ‘If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t,’ Deborah did not scorn his weakness. She didn’t step in and say, ‘Then I’ll lead the army myself.’ No—she stood beside him. She lent him courage where he lacked it. And because she supported him, Israel saw victory.
That’s the picture of a godly woman’s support. It doesn’t erase the man’s assignment; it reinforces it. It doesn’t steal his authority; it steadies it.
Leading vs. Submitting: Clarifying God’s Design
Here is another place where we must be clear: submission is about husbands and wives doing what God tells you to do. Submission is not about doing whatever your husband tells you to do. It’s not about him doing everything you tell him to do.
Maggy Kelias continued in her message to say,
‘If you think that he’s meant to do what you believe is right for him to do, then you’ve missed your assignment before God. God will bless your obedience as a wife.’
That’s a hard truth for us as wives. Your assignment is not to make your husband into the man you think he should be. Your assignment is to honor the Lord in how you follow, support, and strengthen him.
Scripture says, ‘Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’ (Eph. 5:25).
Your husband may not be leading perfectly. He may hesitate, he may falter, but your presence and your submission can be the very thing that strengthens him to step into his calling. Deborah didn’t replace Barak—she reinforced him. And when you take your place as a wife, you do the same for your husband.
Leading, for your husband, isn’t about doing what you believe is right—it’s about doing what God says is right. And submitting, for you, isn’t about measuring whether your husband deserves it—it’s about trusting that Jesus deserves it.
So I ask you: Do you honor your husband only when you deem he has earned it, when you think he deserves it? Or do you honor him because Christ earned it, because Christ deserves it? Submission is not your husband’s reward for being perfect—it is an act of worship to a perfect Savior.
The promise to us from God? God will transform your husband in His time. God Himself will do the work in your husband that you never could.
A Mother’s Role as Her Legacy
God also designed family relationships to teach these roles. A mother models what it means to hold the umbrella by supporting her husband faithfully, demonstrating trust, respect, and encouragement.
Through observing this, sons learn what it means to carry the umbrella, and daughters learn how to hold it well. These lessons prepare them for their own marriages, giving them a foundation to step into God’s design when the time comes.
A mother’s influence is far-reaching. Her example creates a legacy of faithful, God-honoring partnership that stretches beyond her home—shaping the next generation to walk in obedience, wisdom, and strength.
A Powerful Commissioning: The Holy Calling of Submission
So hear me, daughters of the King: submission is not silence. It is not weakness. It is not standing behind a man in fear—it is standing beside him in strength.
God has given your husband a weight he cannot carry alone. He has called him to love you as Christ loved the church, to lead your family in faith, to be accountable before heaven for your household, to take a stand in the community. That is no small task. It is the weight of leadership. And the Lord, in His wisdom, made you the one to help him bear it.
Some of you are waiting for your husband to rise before you decide to support him. But God is waiting for your obedience so that he can rise. Like Aaron and Hur holding up Moses’ weary arms, like Deborah lending courage to Barak, your presence and your submission may be the very thing God uses to bring victory in your home.
So today I charge you: be a woman who lifts up your husband. Be a woman who believes in his calling more than in his flaws. Be a woman who steadies his hands and strengthens his hearts.
Your obedience opens the way for his obedience. Your surrender becomes his strength. Your covering creates his courage. And when you take your God-given place—not above him, not beneath him, but beside him—you will see the blessing of the Lord flow through your marriage, your home, and even generations yet to come.
This is the holy calling of submission: to hold up the man God has given you, so that together you can fulfill the purposes of heaven on earth.
